My dorm room is so clean all the time that I hate coming home to MY room when it's all messy. I suppose I should start getting my stuff together tomorrow, and cleaning up my room a touch. Sometimes I think I can't either, but when I stop being a spoiled brat and realize what I have, I can see things in their proper perspective and just take the bad times with a grain of salt. But I do love my family.I am lucky compared to some others who just can't STAND being home. Truth be told, the only reason I miss NY so much is that I'm BORED here. When I'm home for visits, it's like I'm a PERSON instead of a CHILD. True, they do get on my case once in a while when classes are in session, but they're here and I'm there and it's all good cause I can just escape in my East Village atmosphere. Because they don't feel the need to boss me around right now. I think I've reached a better time with them. But being home isn't so terrible when my parents are around. I feel awful that they miss me so much, but I feel so at home in the city, and I have the time of my life when I'm with all my beautiful friends. Now that I've been home a month, I feel like I have to be here or my parents will be sad. I kind of feel bad about leaving my family. A long, long, long month.ĭoot doot doooo, soon Cara will be back in New York where she belongs.and why is this keyboard being impossible? Anyhoo. I just know that the second I get there I'm going to call someone and we're going to go somewhere, anywhere, just so we can see each other. Even on the car ride there I will be bursting with anxiety, wishing I were there already. I will not be satisfied until I've set foot on New York ground. I'm not a patient person when it comes to this stuff. I got so mad about it.I felt bad but I was really looking forward to heading back tomorrow, and now I have to wait another day. I feel like I want to run at top speed but I don't know which way to go. *sigh* I need to get back there so badly. AAAAH!!! And to top it all off, no one is freaking online!!! So I can't even TALK to people who are already in New York. I'd bus it back but I have all my stuff, and I can't take it all myself on the bus, then the subway, then drag it back to my dorm. I wanted to go back tomorrow but my parents are GOING OUT tomorrow night so they can't take me back. Well, it turns out I'm going back to school later than I expected. I need some answers fast.and I fear there's no one to give them. And images still fill my mind in comforting embraces, keeping me somewhat sane. I've had a wonderful return to the city.even after a trying day. And my throat is welling up as if it wants to cry, and yet no tears will sting my eyes and make the pain spring forward in gasping sobs. And sometimes I think people do care, but I don't know if I'm just fooling myself or what. Why should I care? Why should I make your problems my own? That's what's gotten me into trouble in the past, hasn't it? I've let other people's troubles weigh me down, I've even scribbled them down in journals with as much fervor as for my own trials and roadblocks. I guess that's how everything has been for me. Because people just.don't care as much as I do. And I expect the same from others and I think that maybe it's asking too much. Because I can't just sit there idly saying my "mm-hmm" and "yup" and "i understand." I can't do it, I feel like a lousy friend. I've never sat there thinking "OK, shut up, I don't wanna hear about this anymore." I've actually tried to help people, and I've felt awful when I had no sage advice to give them. I've listened and listened for years, and I've never minded for one second. There's somewhere that I'm supposed to be. I've heard it too many times to ignore it. Is this the sweet sound that calls the young sailor? Have you been half asleep, and have you heard voices? What's so amazing that keeps us stargazing? Somebody thought of that, and someone believed it Who said that every wish would be heard and answered Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection, So we've been told and some choose to believe it. Rainbows are visions, but only illusions, Why are there so many songs about rainbows OK, OBSESSED with this song.I've always rather liked it since I was 's so profound, even though you don't really get it when you're little watching those Muppet movies.
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